The serenity of vacationing in a log cabin, and later at an elegant B&B, in the lake region of New Hampshire was interrupted by my father's hospitalization. My father was placed in a geriatric ward of a hospital where staff attempted to "stabilized" him with anti-psychotic and anti-anxiety drugs such as Risperdal, Ativan and then Depakote. Not surprising, dad's faculties were further impaired by the new medication, leaving him doped and confused. It didn't stop him, of course, from holding hands with new female patients and introducing his new lady-friends to my mother and sister. No amount of sedatives can keep a ladies-man down.
The race to place my dad in a nursing home was compounded by hospital policy that only permits a patient to hold a bed for 2 weeks. A confluence of events, made it possible for us to place dad a bed at a nursing home on his birthday. Massachusetts medicaid coverage is still pending.
Feelings of guilt for placing dad in a nursing home have been unfathomable. At times, I feel as if we are sitting Shiva for a man who is still alive.